If you’ve followed this site for any length of time, you know that I try to balance all the hunting/gear/tactics stuff with the occasional deeper conversation. After all, there’s more to life than hunting (gasp…I know, blasphemy…but stay with me). I think every hunter out there struggles on some level with what I’m about to talk about. Those of us who make a concerted effort to engage with the outdoors community through social media and other avenues probably battle it a little more intensely, but I think it affects us all. And, when we get our heads all twisted up, it can quickly suck the joy right out of the experience. In fact, this idea goes way beyond hunting, and I’ve seen the same principle play itself out in virtually every area of life.
Hunting is (and should be) a struggle…but sometimes we make it harder than it needs to be in our own heads.
Okay, have I built up enough suspense? Annoyed yet? Well, here we go…Today, I want to focus on the WHY of the whole thing. Why are you hunting? Why did you pass up on that deer? Why are you making yourself stay out there another day…or two…or seven? Essentially, why are you doing whatever it is you’re doing? And while that may seem really easy to answer, it’s actually way more convoluted than we often think. Our motivations come from a complex combination of thoughts, feelings, insecurities, that one traumatic moment where you peed your pants at school in 2nd grade…being able to dig through the layers and get to the root of why you’re really doing something is a serious challenge (that’s why therapists get paid handsomely to help people do exactly that).
Now, I’m not here to psycho-analyze anyone, but this has been on my mind a lot the past couple weeks after a handful of setbacks and frustrations out in the field. Honesty time: I’ve been in a hunting rut! In 2018 I wasn’t able to spend a lot of days in the field, and consequently I got skunked. So, heading into the 2019 season, my wife and I agreed that I was going to significantly increase my days in the field in order to increase my odds of success. And so far, I’ve made good on that promise. I believe so far this fall, I’ve spent 13 days actively hunting (not including scouting or travel days). Now, that’s not a huge amount compared to some other guys out there, but it’s more than double what I was able to do last fall. Sadly, after all that effort, I’m still sitting on an empty freezer…I just haven’t been able to connect with anything I’ve been chasing.
With each unsuccessful hunt, my frustration grows, and it drives me to push myself harder. Case in point: I found myself out on a solo bear hunt just a couple weekends ago, and I was desperately low on water. I had packed in what should have been enough for a two-night stay, but underestimated just how much my body would require for the 2,000 vertical foot climb and over 4 miles to get in there. So, I found myself after a morning of glassing (and not turning up any bears) realizing that I was already down to less than 2 liters with no streams or filterable water sources nearby, and I was supposed to be there another 24 hours. As the day went on and things heated up, I was rationing my water (translated – not actually drinking anything), and I was growing increasingly thirsty and dehydrated. By about 4:00 – as I was getting set up for an evening of glassing – I started to realize how foolish this was. I was hot, desperately thirsty, frustrated that I hadn’t had success all season, and starting to argue with myself. You know, that constant battle between “just tough it out” and “I don’t think this is a good idea”…I’m not the only one that has that argument with myself, right?
Basically, I realized that my head wasn’t in the game. I was legitimately getting worried at how dehydrated I would become if I stuck it out another night and morning with 4 miles still to hike back to the trailhead (where more water was waiting for me). I also realized I was no longer having ANY fun. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fully aware that there are plenty of un-fun moments in any given hunt, and things should get difficult and uncomfortable along the way…it’s part of what makes the sense of accomplishment so high. But, it was no longer about adventure or the potential for success…I was ONLY out there because I hadn’t killed anything yet this fall and felt like I had something to prove. I mean, if I don’t kill anything soon, why would anyone read this blog? Why would anyone keep following me on social media? Why would my affiliates keep our relationship alive? I was now officially out there for the wrong reasons!
Few things feel worse than hitting the trail back to the truck earlier than planned!
Again, I know not every hunter is trying to build a brand or a following…a lot of us are just out there trying to put meat in the freezer and have a good time. But, I think if we’re honest, we all struggle a little bit with what people will think about us as hunters. There’s a great deal of pride that comes with being someone who harvests your own meat for your family, and consequently there’s a great deal of shame that can come with failing. Let’s face it, as the fall progresses and our social media feeds start to fill up with everyone else’s trophy shots, there’s that initial twinge of jealousy or insecurity that pops up in each of us who haven’t had any luck so far. When you come back to work after a hunting trip and your non-hunting co-workers ask, “so did you get anything?”…Come on, we’ve all seen that look on their face where it looks like they’re disappointed to even know you because they can’t fathom how a person could fail at hunting. (Of course, you remind yourself that they have ZERO concept of how difficult it is to hunt…their perception is that you drive out into the wilderness, find a group of animals singing alongside a Disney princess on the side of the road, and shoot the one that the audience loves most right in the face…thanks Bambi)
Here’s the point: when we start to make the hunt about what other people are going to think, we lose the magic of hunting. Removed from anyone’s perceptions, there is a mystery and an excitement that comes from being out in the field and not knowing what’s going to happen. It’s the potential for success that gets us excited, and the fact that success is not guaranteed that makes it feel so good when we do connect. This is the joy, this is the adventure of it all…and when it becomes a grind and we’re only out there to prove something, it loses all of that.
If you’ve ever been a golfer, you know this same principle. How many bad and frustrating shots do you take in a single round? How many times do you think about just throwing your clubs in the lake? But, you get that one perfect drive or sink that 20-ft. putt, and it feels so good that you leave happy and looking forward to your next round. Unfortunately, with hunting, it feels much more like a pass-fail on any given hunt. There may have been little victories (you found a good buck, you stalked within range, you didn’t die in the backcountry, etc.), but at the end of the hunt, you either harvested or you didn’t, right? Well, yes…but we shouldn’t discount those little victories. Each one of those are signs that you’re improving as a hunter, and they should be celebrated. At the same time, if we can step back and take a much longer view of our hunting “career,” we can see the same thing at play. Look at each hunt as a stroke in your golf game…a couple really bad holes, that forky you shot is like one really good drive that just missed the water hazard, three more really bad holes, your first archery harvest is the chip-shot you holed-out for a birdie…I could go on with the analogy, but you get the point.
The right why will keep you struggling up steep mountains while still enjoying the hunt.
It’s easy in the middle of the grind to get frustrated and lose sight of the why that got you into hunting in the first place. It’s not about the size of the antlers you can post on Instagram, it’s not about having a story that makes you sound awesome back at the office, it’s not even really about feeding your family (yes, I prefer to feed my family wild game, but we don’t live in a post-apocalyptic world where if I don’t harvest an animal they don’t eat…we still have grocery stores). It’s about the challenge, the joy, the adventure, the chance to let that “primal man” within you break out of the 9-5 rut and get out there and play.
This could be a whole discussion of its own, but this principle is at play in just about every area of our lives. Are you busting your hump at work because of your passion, or is it to try and achieve some sort of status or notoriety with the higher-ups? Are you coaching your kid’s team because you love your kid and want to make some memories, or because you want to make sure he makes it to the NFL and somehow have his athletic prowess reflect on you? Life’s too short to waste a bunch of time and energy trying to impress everyone else. If you find yourself deep into something you once loved and now hating every minute of it because of the self-imposed pressure to impress everyone, take a step back.
It was just before the evening hunt would have begun that day in bear country and I realized this was stupid: I needed water, and it wasn’t worth being miserable and getting a kidney stone (I have a history of those) for the hope of a grip-n-grin with a bear to throw onto the gram. I packed up camp, hiked out of there, made my remaining water last until I had less than a mile left, and spent the drive home getting my mind right. I haven’t had the chance to get back out there for the remainder of bear season, but I know that if I am able to get out again it’ll be purely for the adventure and the chance at some meat…I’ll head out with zero pressure on my back to kill something just to impress the masses on social media.
I’ll close with this piece of wisdom that I come back to often in life. Whatever you believe about the Bible, it would be hard to argue with the wisdom offered in Ecclesiastes chapter 4, verse 4: “Then I observed that most people are motivated to success because they envy their neighbors. But this, too, is meaningless—like chasing the wind.” I love the phrase “chasing the wind,” because it perfectly describes what it’s like to run around trying to impress other people or gain notoriety in some way. There’s a whole lot of effort and running around, but it’s never going to actually satisfy. Hunt because you want to hunt. Chase your dream because you believe in it. And whatever it looks like to the world around you…that’s something you simply can’t control, so don’t let it steal the joy that you should have while doing what you love.